The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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