dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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