she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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