There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
