We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
