Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
