it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
