yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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