the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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