I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
