if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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