Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
