Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
