I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
