miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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