apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
