pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
