...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
