I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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