yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
