new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
