K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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