The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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