I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
