so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's blow job season.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
