Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
