Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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