He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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