eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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