The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
