A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
