I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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