What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
