I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
