You made me cry and you don't even care
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
