I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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