dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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