I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
