I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
