Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
