Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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