dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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