I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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