ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
