Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
