This dress was meant to end up on your floor
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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