his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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