Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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