So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
