I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
